


Thanks for the Sweater

by Geradsredskittle666



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Autistic Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Autistic Character, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Whump, Bisexual Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Completed suicide, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Assault, Suicide, author is autistic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29381292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geradsredskittle666/pseuds/Geradsredskittle666
Summary: I was speculating on how a sister can exist and not exist in a family and came up with this idea. BJ is joking around and accidentally triggers something in Hawkeye. Hawkeye’s sister was raped, and this tore apart the family and changed his father. This is going to get dark and angsty. Warnings: references to rape of a minor, sexual assualt of a female minor, child abuse (Hawkeye and his sister), child abuse (Margaret), war, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, repression, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma, period typical homophobia, suicide. Pairings: Hawkeye/BJ
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 5





	Thanks for the Sweater

**Thanks for the Sweater**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own MASH or any of its property. I make no profit off this work and do not intend to. I write to entertain. 

**Pairings:** Hawkeye/BJ 

**Warnings:** References to rape of a minor, sexual assualt of a female minor, child abuse (Hawkeye and his sister), child abuse (Margaret), war, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, repression, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma, period typical homophobia, suicide. 

**Note:** This is going to get dark and angsty. This will be dealing with serious issues of child abuse, the impact of losing a mother/wife and the effect sexual assualt on both the victim and the family. If this isn’t a topic you can handle, do not read on. 

**Summary:** I was speculating on how a sister can exist and not exist in a family and came up with this idea. BJ is joking around and accidentally triggers something in Hawkeye. Hawkeye’s sister was raped, and this tore apart the family and changed his father. 

**AN:** ADHD!Hawkeye, Autistic!Hawkeye, Neurodivergent!Hawkeye, Autistic!BJ, Neurodivergent!BJ

BJ had meant it affectionately. They had been sitting in the mess tent at dinner with Radar, Potter, Margaret, Klinger and the Padre. BJ’s eye had sparkled with mirth and his lips had smiled softly. “If your going to be such a mother hen, maybe we should be calling you Mama Hawk!” He had joked affectionately. 

Something in Hawkeye snapped so suddenly he didn’t have time to stop it. White hit rage filled him and he had slammed his tray down so hard the sound vibrated throughout the tent. There had been absolute silence. He was glad no one had reacted badly, he was too out of control to stop himself from reacting back angrily. The silence gave him space to think and he found himself storming out of the tent. The cool night air brought him a little of the way back to his senses. He now felt a sense of desperation. He needed to go somewhere to cool down, somewhere no one could interrupt him. He didn’t trust his actions. He searched and saw a Jeep with a plastic cover around it...and it gave him an idea. He slipped under the jeeps plastic cover, pushing himself into space around the seats. Strangely he didn’t feel claustrophobic, but seemed to get some comfort from the tight space. 

He heard his name being called. BJ. Still he remained hidden. BJ walked right past the Jeep. 

Hawkeye was beginning to feel calmer. He wiped away tears that he didn’t know he had been crying. More tears came, out of control, but this was better than anger that could harm someone. He didn’t know why it felt like his heart had been crushed. He didn’t know why he felt like a part of him had died. He didn’t know why he felt like he had lost something...or someone. He didn’t understand this. He drifted asleep without realising. 

He woke after some nightmare he only vaguely remembered- a man he vaguely recognised was offering him to teach him how to fish. Despite the fact that the man looked honest enough, Hawk had felt chilled to the bone. He had been confused to wake up in the Jeep, he must have gotten drunk and gone for a walk. Being both exhausted and drunk, he had fallen asleep accidentally. 

He pulled back the plastic sheeting and made his way to The Swamp. He had a serious headache and intended to nap. He barely made in two steps in when he felt a body very suddenly against his, tightly locked into a hug. BJ pulled back and looked him over, hands still on Hawkeyes arms. “We were all so worried! We searched the whole camp! We thought you had stolen a Jeep and gone for a ride, but all the jeeps were accounted for. So we thought maybe you’d walked. We even called the check points.” BJ said, rapidly, and worriedly. 

Hawkeye knew at the moment that something had happened that he did not remember. BJ would not worry if this was just a drunken misadventure. Should he let on that he didn’t remember? “I’m sorry I worried you. It’s all cool now.” He decided on. 

Though this was clearly a mistake. BJ looked incredulous, and pissed. “Your going to dismiss this!” He asked, outraged. 

Hawkeye swallowed nervously, he didn’t know this game. He didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know what to say to make BJ smile again. So he said nothing. He held his palms out placatingly, trying to display that he was surrendering. He tried to force enough apology into his gaze as he could.

BJ seemed to calm, but was now looking at him with concern. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I was just angry that you didn’t confide in me. I hit a sore spot with my joke. I guess if your not ready to talk about it, then I can’t be angry about that.” His friend admitted. 

Hawkeye nodded, not knowing what to reply. He didn’t remember this joke. Or the sore spot. 

“Anyway, are you okay? Where were you hiding!” BJ asked. 

Hawkeye relaxed. This he could answer. “I’m fine...at least I think I am. I have a hell of a headache but that’s what I get for drinking so much!” He replied easily. “Actually you must have walked right past me...I was in one of the Jeeps, the plastic cover must have hidden me. Not the worst place I have passed out!” He joked. 

BJ was giving him a long look, and it was making him uncomfortable. “Hawk, I want you to tell me what you remember from last night. Every detail.” He asked carefully. 

Hawkeye was getting nervous now. “Ah, not much honestly, but isn’t that the point? To forget this whole stinking war? We must have started drinking, because I have a hell of a hangover.” He answered with his trademark devil may care attitude. 

BJ looked sad. “That’s not what happened. We didn’t even drink a drop of gin. Let me tell you what happened and let’s see if it jogs the memory.” He said softly , as if Hawkeye was a cornered and scared animal. “We were in the mess tent eating dinner. We were all just talking. I made a joke about you being a mother hen. I called you “Mama Hawk”. Do you remember?”

Hawkeye frowned, he could see the scene but it was like he was watching it from outside himself, the sound was muted and unclear. Like it was coming from under water. But the phrase Mama Hawk caused an instinctive reaction. “I’m not her mother.” He said defensively. Then it was like he was back in his body in the memory, the sound clear as day. 

BJ watched carefully, filing away the phrase ‘I’m not her mother’ for future reference. He could see the confusion lift and horror fill his friends eyes. Then Hawkeye froze and tears ran down his face. He was shaking. Hyperventilating. BJ pulled his friend close, and rubbed his back. “It’s okay. it’s going to be okay. Just try to breathe for me. Okay?” He softly spoke. 

It felt like time had stopped, but Hawkeye managed breathe properly again. He had stopped shaking but now he was exhausted. He didn’t even try hold himself upright, held up by his friends strong arms and resting against his chest. BJ hated seeing Hawkeye looking so defeated. 

“I remember. I was so angry and I didn’t know why. I hid because I wasn’t in control of myself. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Hawkeye suddenly spoke, his voice small but strong. 

BJ listened attentively. “You scared me. I didn’t know if you were going to be okay and none of us could find you. I guess I can understand, I wouldn’t want to hurt a friend either.” He answered gently. 

“Your comment brought back something. I had a sister. Well, I guess I did. She was there and then she wasn’t. There was a bad man, he stayed but she left. I was supposed to look after her but she left anyway. I don’t understand why she left. I didn’t.” Hawkeye confessed heavily. 

BJ didn’t fully understand. He didn’t like the implications he was getting from the story though. “I’m sorry Hawk.” He soothed. 


End file.
